


When The Fate Belongs to The Sins

by Reitanna



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Between Dreams And Reality, F/M, One Big Lie, Reflection, Rurouni Kenshin Reflection is a lie, fake life, it's just a dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-03 17:32:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14001069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reitanna/pseuds/Reitanna
Summary: It’s my first fictional love story about Sanosuke and Megumi. Even if I can’t speak English very well, I am trying so hard to write it. The story goes after the movieRurouni Kenshin: Reflection. I know it’s not a canon, but my story will be on Sanosuke’s view, when he will finally return home from his wanders to the woman who is still waiting for him. Kenshin and Kaoru are dead, their son Kenji is trying to understand why his father respected Sanosuke so much. Will he succeed? And how does it really turn out? Is everything that Sanosuke sees around, is true?





	1. The Return

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry for spelling and grammar errors, I hope you understand what I want to say. If not, please let me know, because I’m very concerned about it. Thank you! ^_^

The dark-haired man finally reached Tokyo. It’s been a long time since he was here. He left a lot of memories and felt very lonely now. Those days spent in Tokyo reminded him that he was not alone in this world. The man left many friends behind him, lost his family and beloved captain... Sozo Sagara. But he needed to do it, because time doesn’t stand in place, time goes by, and people are aging and dying...

The same happened to his best friend, Kenshin Himura. Sanosuke Sagara never saw him so weak and broken. No matter how strong tree is, sooner or later it will fall down, it’s a natural law, but still... The moment he found Kenshin just sitting near the dock... was very painful. Sanosuke realized it was no longer the friend he had seen before. It was a completely different person, suffering from his sins, unable to forget the past and not finding a way back to his meaningful life. Sanosuke was curious. What happened to his Kenshin? What happened to Kenshin, who wanted to protect more people than he killed? Did he still not atoned his sins?

“I was so stupid, I let him fight, though, I knew that Kenshin was ill,” Sanosuke thought. “Is it really so bad how Megumi wrote to me? There had to be a way to heal him, isn’t it? Shit, if not those damn cops, I would be in Japan all the time.”

The strong and devastating wind destroyed his thoughts. It was a deep cold winter when he finally got back from his wanders. He wanted to see a wide world and have a lot of adventures, but now it seemed very childish. At this moment, Sanosuke thought he just wanted to be stronger and grow up with experience. He wanted to follow Kenshin’s path and be a rurouni* who has no place to stay for long. He wanted to understand what means to be Kenshin. But deep down inside Sanosuke knew that his family was waiting for him. No matter where he was, no matter he was doing, he always remembered the days when everything was different. Now, he didn’t want anything else, but stay in Tokyo forever, with the people he cares about. Maybe they really missed him and waited for his return. And this baka tori-atama* barely died of cold until he returned. Such a shame!

Sanosuke tightened himself with his dirty cape more and went further. He lost his horse and was injured now. He tried to defend himself, but... he lost for some idiots. How stupid! Well known in the world by a fighter-for-hire, the same Sanosuke Sagara, was lost. But why? Maybe because he missed his friend. The person who showed him what really life is, when he was half rotten. When he lost his hope of living and for ten years wandered without soul, not knowing where to go and what to do for himself. He still didn’t know if rurouni is dead, but he felt it, Kenshin couldn’t survive in that state. Sanosuke might be able to do it longer, but not he...

The wind was getting stronger and more agile, but Sanosuke couldn’t stop. He had to go to Kamiya Dojo* and stay there. He didn’t want to remain a lonely wolf anymore. He had to admit that he was wrong. He had to come back here earlier. Now the city looked changed a lot, but Sanosuke could smell all the old scents. All the roads was still the same as he were walking on young days. And no money in his pockets. The first time he saw Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko... and Megumi. But who is here? Sanosuke stopped at the fence for a moment. He could see a young couple and a little boy running to the kitchen. When the young man finally looked at Sanosuke, he saw only an obscure shadow, slowly fading away...

Sanosuke had to hurry up until night comes, because the snowstorm slowly began to fall. His long hair was covered by tiny snowflakes, the red bandana* and the cape fluttered from the wind. The man was very hungry. He traveled many miles for days only on his feet. He had a lot of money, but didn’t want to return with dusts in his pockets. He wanted to reward anyone who owed it, everyone in Akabeko*, because he ate food for free after all. Yeah... food and a warm bed would be useful now.

Sanosuke felt a pain in his abdominal side, but not because he was hungry. The wound started to bleed again. He tripped on the snow and for some time layed motionless. No one saw him, the sky was already very dark. Sanosuke hadn’t lost consciousness, his eyes were closed only for a moment, and then he slowly stood up and started to go again.

“Chikushou*... I don’t want to die alone... not now... It’s just a goddamn scratch... I thought many times I see my end, but still... I stayed alive for some reason. Why?” Sanosuke suddenly shook his head. “Wait, what? It’s not like me at all!”

But whatever he was thinking, his eyes still looked very sad. Sanosuke walked with a lowered head, without looking at the road, because the wind blew snow in his face. Until he reached Kamiya Dojo, he was even more tired and hardly able to move his muscles. Dojo looked just like before, like nobody lived here after he left. However, Sanosuke didn’t think much about it and crossed the gate. He saw a flaming light through the window, and that proved that there are still people inside.

Sanosuke breathed deeply and knocked. He heard the whistling wind for a while, but later he caught a silent voice behind the door. Someone was approaching, and suddenly the door opened. Sanosuke barely holded the scream when the blade of a sword fell straight before him. Just a few millimeters missing and he would have lost his head, the sword left just a small cut in his cheek.

“Oh, it’s just a homeless.” The boy put down the sword. “I’m sorry, it’s my habit. Have you come here for food?”

Sanosuke looked at the child for a while. He’s just like Kenshin, a small copy of him, but with darker hair. There was no doubt that he’s Kenshin and Kaoru’s child. Sanosuke smiled a bit. He knew from Megumi’s letters that Kenshin has a son, but never saw him before.

“You’re Kenji, aren’t you?”

The boy was surprised. For some time he stared at the visitor, but later he heard the steps and turned his eyes away.

“Who’s here, Kenji?” A familiar voice came out.

Sanosuke quickly realized it’s Yahiko. When the young man saw him, he froze and looked at him with big eyes, as if he couldn’t believe that he finally saw his friend. After a long wanderings Sanosuke finally returned home. Yahiko couldn’t go wrong, it’s really Sanosuke Sagara, the person who was like his brother. The young man couldn’t be amazed how he changed after living in forests and hiding from the police. Now he had long hair and a small beard, wore an old gray cape, but still had the same red bandana on his head. And his eyes were exactly the same, but more sad and deeper as if he would have suffered from life’s difficulties. Of course, Yahiko didn’t expect anything else, probably Sanosuke has suffered a lot of painful things.

“Sanosuke!” Screamed Yahiko and fell into his arms. He never felt so happy, so much happened recently. Kenshin died, and then the same happened to Kaoru. Everything changed so much that he couldn’t get used to it. No matter how he tried to be a real man, his eyes were filled with tears of joy. Sanosuke smiled a little and hugged him even tighter. Kenji stood beside them without understanding.

“Sano, how could you dare to leave us for so long? Why you didn’t send any letters to us? Where have you been?” Yahiko spoke again and looked him to the eyes. No, he looked him to the soul... deep deep into his soul...

“I’m sorry, kid.” Sanosuke said and stroked his hair. A grin was in his face. “It happened, okay? But, anyway, I’m back, ne*? Don’t cry, okay?”

“Hai*.” Yahiko wiped off his tears, but suddenly he became very surprised. “Wait, you’re bleeding!”

“It’s nothing.” The man put his hand on the wound. “I got a few kicks, that’s all. Don’t worry about me”. And he looked at calmly standing Kenji. “Oh, I haven’t presented myself yet. My name is Sagara Sanosuke. I think your father told you about me, didn’t he?”

“You’re right, Sagara-san*.” Kenji bowed down. “Nice to meet you. Himura Kenji, as you already know.”

“Be strong, boy.” He smiled. “Just like your father. I can say so many good things about him, you know.”

“I couldn’t say more about you.” Yahiko laughed, but his face has changed quickly. “Seriously, you need a doctor, but Gensai-sensei* has past away long ago. I haven’t seen such a good and reliable doctors for some time here.”

“I don’t need anything, it’s nothing serious. By the way, where is kitsune*?”

“Megumi is still in Aizu. Sometimes she is coming to visit us, but has a lot of work and can’t stay here for a long time. She opened her clinic, so she feels very responsible for it.” Yahiko was silent for a moment. “Megumi was there for a while and cared for Kaoru before she died.”

“Sou ka*... Jou-chan* also died...” Sanosuke murmured. “I have to visit her grave some day.”

“I think Megumi have missed you, you need to visit her first. You didn’t say a word to her before leaving Japan.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Sanosuke rubbed his neck. “She should be very angry at me...”

Yahiko yawned.

“Okay, it’s very late, we have to rest. But before that we have to make dinner. Sorry, we didn’t have anything special after Kenshin and Kaoru died.”

“Here.” Sanosuke pulled out a wallet from his cape pocket and dropped it to his friend. “Go to Akabeko and buy something tasty.”

“What the..?”

“On the occasion that I came back.”

“All right. And while I will be in Akabeko, take a bath here, stinky. Kenji will help you to keep warm water.”

“Don’t worry, I can do it by myself, I’m still single, you know.” Sanosuke smirked. “And don’t say Tae I’m back. Today, I’m very tired, I have to rest a bit.”

“Yeah, I know, I know...”

“Does it look like that so much?”

Finally Yahiko went to Akabeko. Kenji helped to prepare the bath and healed the water. Sanosuke could relax, so he slipped out of the clothes and dipped into the water. It was so good that he started to groan. When he was fully dipped, he closed his eyes and started to think, but his thoughts were stopped by Kenji.

“Excuse me, Sagara-san, is the water not too hot?” He asked on the other side of the door.

“No, it’s perfect. And don’t call me Sagara-san, I’m just Sano.”  
“I’ll try. I need to go now, I will not disturb you, have a good bath.”

Sanosuke heard the boy walking away, his steps quickly disappeared. The man raised his long hair high on his head and wrapped it with a towel. He wanted to enjoy the pleasure as long as possible. Kenji brought him yukata* and quietly put on the bench. Sanosuke heard the door closing, but didn’t pay attention to it. Hot water warmed his frozen body. He could admit that during those years, while he was not in Japan, he was very matured and no longer was that lean, non-muscular boy. A person who didn’t know he was Zanza*, seeing such a slender weirdo, could never believe it was really Zanza, so he had to prove it with his fists. Now you really could believe that Sanosuke was Zanza, but he didn’t intend or even thought of being it again. It remained in his shadow and he had different plans for his future.

“Yeah, my life as Zanza was really flighty,” Sanosuke laughed from himself. “Now I will not be such an idiot, and as soon as we meet, I’ll take her.”

Having such thoughts, he felt very excited. It looked like he didn’t see his beloved woman for the whole eternity. Before leaving, they always annoyed eatch other, but Sanosuke felt that she can respond him the same way if he admits that he loves her. It was odd to him that he wanted to have a wife and children, after all, he was a tattered traveler with lots of adventures. The ex-gangster never thought before that he would grow up so well, he was proud of himself that he was thinking about happy family.

Lying in the bathtub, Sanosuke’s thoughts fell off to his dead friend again. He smiled when he remembered how they met. Before that, the day wasn’t very special. Sanosuke just stayed in a new city and enjoyed his meal in the most popular restaurant, Akabeko. A few drunkards talked about the democracy loudly around him, which as always very annoyed him. These guys started throwing and breaking out the dishes, and Kenshin who enjoyed lunch with his friends nearby, got a hit from sakazuki* into his head. Sanosuke didn’t know him yet, but the stranger quickly drew attention with his sword.

Sanosuke felt excited when he realized that Kenshin was not a simple samurai. He easily defeated one of the drunken men and offered to fight, but Kenshin politely refused. No one could believe that Zanza was actually a nice person, although a little weird and having a very deep and sad past, which made him Zanza, a famous fighter. Except Kenshin... From the beginning he saw something good in Sanosuke and kept smiling while they spoke. Sanosuke always admired Kenshin’s modesty. From the very first moment. What’s why he will never forget the day they got to know each other.

But that day didn’t end there. Sanosuke had an unexpected guest. It was a bearded man who introduced himself Hiruma Gohei. He wanted to take revenge on Kenshin for damaging his thumb, because he couldn’t control the sword anymore. Gohei said he would be famous if he kills Kenshin, but Sanosuke didn’t care about the glory, he just wanted to have a good fight. Taking his impressive Zanbato*, he joined the fight with Kenshin. He was impresive and powerful then, but still lost the fight. And he felt no humiliation. Kenshin helped him understand that revenge is not an option. After the Meiji Revolution, Sanosuke lived for ten years with anger in his heart. He hated Ishin-Sishi of the Meiji Gonvernment*, which announced the Sekihoutai* as a false imperial army and killed all his comrades. He knew that Kenshin was one of those who could kill his honorable captain, but he couldn’t be angry about it anymore. Kenshin regretted his past, so he began to defend people instead of killing them. Sanosuke realized he was wrong, he wanted nothing but revenge, so he decided to change, join Kenshin and help him in fights.

Since then, he felt much better because he finally had a new family. Kenshin became his partner and best friend, and Yahiko his younger brother, with whom he fought for each bite of food. And Kaoru... Sanosuke never said her real name. He called her jou-chan, but she had nothing against it. He liked to tease Kaoru for her cooking skills, and she always tried to please him... or maybe just surprise Kenshin. She even asked Megumi to teach, because her cooking skills were unsurpassed. Yeah, Megumi... Sanosuke wanted to hear her voice again. Hear how she calls him baka tori-atama and call her kitsune-onna*. She will always fill an important place in his heart.

Sanosuke shook his head, trying to throw his thoughts away, he’s in the bathtub now! He quickly bathed, washed his tousled hair and grabbed his cape, but at that time he saw yukata on the bench, left by Kenji.

“I hope it’s not Kenshin’s, it will be too small for me, and I can’t wear the clothes of the dead.”

The man sniffed his cape and realized it was better to throw it out and dress on yukata. After cleaning the bathroom he went out. Yahiko wasn’t back yet, and Kenji was waiting quietly in the room. After he heard the steps, he lifted his head.

“Was it good for you?”

“Unh*, I can’t remember the last time I bathed.” Sanosuke laughed.

“How is your wound?”

“It’s not bleeding anymore, I have some bandages, I just had to change it. Everything’s fine, it’s just a scratch.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course. Someone said I’m like a cockroach. Do you know what it means?”

The young man was silent for a while and looked at the floor. Sanosuke couldn’t see his face, but felt that Kenji was very sad. He wasn’t sure it was because of the dead parents. Something was bothered him.

“Father told me about you.” Kenji said finally. “A lot.”

“How much?” Sanosuke was interested.

“Enough.” The boy cheered up. “He always smiled when talked about you, Sanosuke-san. He told me everything you had to do together, how many struggles you had to bear together, but no one was able to separate you. Although I never saw you, I felt my father respected you and wanted you to come back as soon as possible. I could never understand why, but I think I will succeed.”

“Yeah... I will never leave again, the police are no longer against me.”

“But why? My father never said why you left.”

“Actually... he didn’t know everything. Before leaving... I said a few words to my friends... and just... went away. I didn’t want them to get into my business... I didn’t want anyone to know my sad past. I have never been a criminal in their eyes, you know? Maybe they would have looked at me differently.”

“Iie*, why are you saying that?” Kenji was surprised. “They were your friends. They are still your friends. They would never leave you in trouble.”

“I know, but still...” Sanosuke sighed deeply. “Kenshin has always suffered for his past. He wanted to live in peace, but the enemies of his past always came from somewhere, and that’s why we had a lot of problems. I didn’t want to repeat his mistakes, so I had to flee. I know he wasn’t angry at me, but a little disappointed. However, it’s difficult to leave your family or lose a part of it, but when we have no other choice...”

“I don’t blame my father for what he did. We are all making mistakes. For some time I hated him for making my mother unhappy. He wanted to be a rurouni again and left his family. I was very small, but I realized that my mother wasn’t happy. She always waited for him and never noticed me. Even when I got out and trained with Hiko Seijuro, my mother was waiting for him to return, but not for me.”

“Maybe she knew that you would come back soon.”

“But why did my father did it, Sanosuke-san? Why did he let my mother to suffer? Why did he wanted to help other people, but hurted her? He had nothing to run away from, ne?”

However, Sanosuke couldn’t answer his questions and for some time he was silent. Kenji didn’t want to disturb his thoughts, so he was sitting quietly. After a few minutes, Yahiko returned home and they finally prepared for dinner. While sitting together they remembered the good old days, Sanosuke told about his adventures in other countries. Kenji tried to understand why his father respected Sanosuke. And he did it. Sanosuke was a person who never gives up, which can be unconditionally trusted. He was a man who could do anything to protect others, even if he was at risk of death himself. The young samurai was fascinated. Besides, Sanosuke was always energetic and cheerful as if trying to forget his sad past, and Kenji couldn’t understand why he avoided to talk about it.

After the dinner, friends decided that it’s time to rest. Sanosuke was so tired that he couldn’t understand what was going on around him. He didn’t want anything but sleep, so he fell into his pillows. The city streets, the reflections of the lights in a narrow frozen river flowed in his memory. And finally, a cute, such a sweet face, illuminated by a dull lamp that shakes at the entrance, left in his mind.

“I love you, Megumi...” Sanosuke mumbled.

And then everything messed up in his tired head, the consciousness sank in the dark, like a stone thrown away in the river.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rurouni – wanderer or drifter (Kenshin was called by this name, although there is no such a word in Japanese, it’s created by Nobuhiro Watsuki, the author or Rurouni Kenshin).
> 
> Baka tori-atama – idiot rooster-head (Sano is called “tori-atama” because of his spiky hair).
> 
> Dojo – a training place for martial arts or swordsmanship (Kaoru trained Yahiko and other students there).
> 
> Bandana – a head accessory, worn as a thin strip with the knot on top of the head or with the knot behind the hair.
> 
> Akabeko – a popular restaurant in Tokyo specializing in Sukiyaki beef and other “Western-style” dishes. It’s owned by Sekihara family and managed by the owner’s daughter, Sekihara Tae.
> 
> Chikushou – Damn. Sano’s swear word.
> 
> Ne? – Eh? Right? A very common supporting word.
> 
> Hai – yes.
> 
> -san – a polite suffix meaning Mr. Miss or Mrs.
> 
> -sensei – master, teacher, doctor.
> 
> Kitsune – fox (Megumi’s nickname by Sano).
> 
> Sou ka – Is that so? I see.
> 
> Jou-chan – little missie or missy (Kaoru here).
> 
> Yukata – a robe-like garment worn to bed and at home. Also simpler cotton kimono worn at summertime.
> 
> Zanza – Sanosuke’s former nickname while he was a fighter-for-hire.
> 
> Sakazuki – a wide-mouthed, flat sake cup (I’m not sure it’s sakazuki, Kenshin got a hit from other type of cup in manga).
> 
> Zanbatou (horse-slaying-sward) – an ancient Japanese longsword devised even before the Sengoku Jidai. With its long, spear-like handle and even longer double-edged blade, a zanbatou was designed to take down a samurai on horseback – along with his horse – in a single swing, but due to its unwieldy size and a weight decidedly greater than any other katana, it is said that no one has even been able to brandish this unusual blade to its full capacity. However, this unique weapon is the trademark armament of Sagara Sanosuke. However, Zanbatou was broken by Kenshin in the begining of the series.
> 
> Ishin-Shishi of the Meiji gonverment – the Ishin Shishi, who led the movement to restore the Meiji emperor to real power and thus end the Tokugawa regime.
> 
> The Sekihoutai (Red Vanguard) – a group of Japanese political extremists in the Bakumatsu, the Japanese civil war in the 1860s. The term also refers to a right-wing extremist group that operated in the 1980s. Sano was a member or Sekihoutai when he was 9 years old.
> 
> Kitsune-onna – fox-lady/fox-woman (another nickname for Megumi).
> 
> Unh – yes, yeah.
> 
> Iie – no.


	2. The Chosen Path

“Nani*?!” Sanosuke couldn’t believe. “Three days?! I slept for three days?!”

“Yup.” Yahiko confirmed, giving him a cape. “What did you expected? You said you travelled very long to Japan on your own feet, no wonder you were so tired. Besides, your wound was not just a scratch, we had to call a doctor.”

“Arigatou*, but the wound is really just a laugh to me.” He said, laying his cape on his shoulders.

“No one can stand it, even you.”

“Yeah yeah...”

“And you are lucky that Tsubame washed your precious cape while you were sleeping.”

“That’s a relief!”

They sat silently for a while. Sanosuke leaned elbows on the table.

“And what are you going to do now?” Yahiko asked.

“I’m hungry.” Sanosuke mumbled.

“You are still the same, even if you have a beard.”

The man scratched his neck.

“Yeah... some habits are hard to get rid of.”

Yahiko turned his back and went to check the kitchen for some breakfast.

“Oi, matte*.” He was stopped by his friend.

“What?”

“Your back... Do you wear that “Aku*” symbol of mine?”

“Yes, you’re right.” The young man smiled awkwardly. “After five years when you left Japan, Kenshin gave me his sakabatou*, because I proved that I’m worth to be a real samurai. I decided that I had to have something from you, because I am very fascinated by both of you. You always saved me from trouble, I wanted to be as strong as you, but I was just a kid. And now things have changed, you don’t need to save me, I can defend myself. I really hope you have nothing against that I have your symbol.”

“No, it’s nothing, I’m just surprised that you want to wear my symbol, which reminds me of my past in Sekihoutai*. Now, I’ll remember this even more often.” Sanosuke smirked.

“Yeah, true... ” Yahiko agreed. “Hey, but where is your jacket?”

“It was already very old and unfit to wear, so I had to throw it. It was part of my life, but I shouldn’t have to stop at one thing, so I didn’t care much about that. Also, I still have the “Aku” symbol.”

“Really?” The young man raised his eyebrows. “Where?”

“Take a look.” Sanosuke pulled his cape from his shoulder and turned around. Yahiko gasped, when he saw a tattoo of “Aku” on his nude back.

“You see?” The former gangster said proudly. “Now, I will never lose a part of it and carry it to the death. Cool, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, really cool!” Yahiko was excited. “How did you get the money to make it?”

“I had a really good job in China, I worked as a guard for the rich men, and they paid very much for me.” Sanosuke hid his tattoo again. “Hey, but where’s little Kenshin? I want to show him my symbol too, I think he would like it.”

“Do you mean Kenji? He got up early and went to train somewhere.”

“I see... he wants to be as strong as his father.”

At the time Tsubame appeared in the room with a tray in her hands.

“Breakfast is ready.”

“Very good!” Sanosuke rubbed his hands. “Gochisousama deshita*, Tsubame-san*.”

“It’s nothing.” The young woman blushed and laid a tray on the table. “Take your time, Sagara-san. You are always welcome here, we haven’t seen you for a long time and we missed you very much. And when you returned, you slept for a very long time, we began to worry.”

The man smiled gracefully.

“You became braver since the last time we saw each other, isn’t it?”

“I think so.” She blushed deeper and sat down next to her husband. “Yahiko-kun*, I think we have to tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Sanosuke asked with rice filling his mouth.

“Oh, you’re right,” Yahiko scratched his head. “You see... I will become a father very soon...”

Sanosuke sat quietly for a while as if trying to understand what he heard.

“Oh, I see... You are much faster than me, Yahiko. Congratulations, when will your baby be born?”

“After seven months. As you can see, the belly is not visible yet.”

"Yeah... you’re very good about that.” Sanosuke blushed. “Tell me all your secrets.”

“Why are you so concerned about women?” The young man couldn’t understand. “Wait, do you... fall in love with someone?”

Sanosuke turned his eyes.

“You are the first man who jumps into the fights, but you can’t tell a woman that you love her?” Yahiko smirked. “Where’s your bravery?”

“I can admit you’re better in that.” The man murmured. “It’s not that easy with her.”

“And who is she? Can you introduce her? Did you meet her while traveling?”

“Actually... I don’t need to introduce her, you know her very well.”

Yahiko’s eyes suddenly turned out big.

“No way! It can’t be! Don’t tell me it’s Megumi!”

“What?! You said no way?!” Sanosuke was confused.

“I know, you had a crush on her long ago, but Megumi... I thought she was much more worried about Kenshin...”

“What do you mean? Did she kissed him or something?”

“Umph... No, I’m sure she’s not. Megumi knew that Kenshin loved Kaoru, but...”

“You want to say that she loves him more, even if she kisses another man?” He suddenly realized that he said too much. “Oh, shit, I mean... Maybe you know something more about her? Has she changed a lot?”

“I don’t think so. Go to her and you will see. You might get another kiss.”

“You better shut up, brat!”

“How do you call me, punk?!”

“I’ll show you a punk!” Sanosuke pressed his friend tightly in his arms and rubbed his head with fist.

“Dame yo*!” Yahiko screamed. “It hurts!”

Tsubame sat silently next to them and smiled a little. Itsu mo no you ni*. But something was missing. Kenshin and Kaoru are dead. Even if she saw smiles in these men’s faces, it was temporary. But she felt it couldn’t be for long. She knew that the day would come when Yahiko and Sanosuke will not be sad for the dead friends.

“I talked with her a bit.” Suddenly Tsubame said. “When she checked our baby a few weeks ago.”

“Soshite*?” Sanosuke quickly took his hands from Yahiko. “What did she said to you?”

“She said... she said... she feels very lonely because she always devotes herself to work and she can’t live her own life. I know Megumi is very sad, because she never had a chance to have her own children.”

The man raised his eyebrows.

“What do you mean? She can’t... have children?”

“No, don’t worry, she just thinks it’s never going to happen.” She looked at Sanosuke straight to his eyes. “But I believe it will happen if you will make a lot of effort to overcome her fears.”

“Fears? I thought kitsune* is afraid of anything!”

“Just visit her, she’s never been so broken. Megumi trying not to show her sadness, but I saw it on her face. I can’t look at her like that. I tried to find out everything, but it didn’t succeed. Please, Sanosuke-san do something, she has suffered enough.”

“You said... she suffered... because of me?”

“I’m not sure... She talked very much about you, but about Kenshin too. You have to visit her as soon as possible, you know she’s one of those who can commit suicide.”

“Is it really so bad?”

And Sanosuke began to remember those days when they barely knew each other. They met for the first time when he invited Kenshin into his friends’ apartments for gambling. Megumi at that time ran from Kanryuu Takeda’s henchmen. She opened the door looking for help, and she saw Kenshin’s sword and realized that he was samurai. And rushed to hug him... But it was just for the help, isn’t it? It’s not because she expected from Kenshin something more?

“What? Am I jealous she didn’t jump to me at that time?” The man suddenly realized. “I don’t know why I’m jealous now, what’s going on with me?” He rubbed his head. “It can’t be that she loves him more than me, because she kissed me after all! It can’t be nothing! It must be something!”

Sanosuke tried to calm down and drowned in his memories again. On the day that they got to know each other, Kenshin defended Megumi from Beshimi, who wanted to throw darts in her. It was impressive, but it was even better when Sanosuke Sagara, along with Kenshin Himura, punched Beshimi to his face so he fall out through the window. The man realized that they would have a lot of problems with the woman, who jumped in so suddenly. And he could admit that she was very beautiful.

“I wonder if she’s still as beautiful as I remember...” Sanosuke thought and got up from the floor without having finished his breakfast. “Anyway, I can’t waste my time.”

“Where are you going, Sano?” Yahiko asked.

“I need to see Megumi now.” And he went out into the yard to think how to make their meeting special. He pressed his back against the wall and looked at the sky.

That day Megumi spent a lot of time with Kenshin in one room. Sanosuke didn’t know what they were talking about, but realized that everything was more serious than he thought in the first place. After that, he had to fight with Hyottoko, a fire-breathing member of the Oniwabanshuu*, who came to pick up a beautiful woman. Megumi knew that those group members were very strong and didn’t expected that someone will succeed in defeating Hyottoko, but Sanosuke and Kenshin won the fight. But it was not the end. Beshimi throw poisoned darts in Megumi. However, Yahiko stand up in front of her and darts got in his arm. After that, the boy fell ill, but thanks to Megumi and Gensei-sensei*, he recovered.

But then... Sanosuke learned an incredible thing that shocked him. Megumi produced opium... And that’s why his friend Yoita died. He hated Megumi with all his heart, but in the long run the hatred turned into love, a much stronger feeling. Sanosuke would never have believed it was possible, but it actually happened. But no matter how he tried to show his attention, Megumi didn’t even noticed it. From the beginning, she was more admired in Kenshin. She could flirt with him and smile at him charmingly. Sanosuke did nothing but argued and annoyed her. It was his way of showing attention, but the beautiful woman didn’t show any interest at all. Until the day...

“It happened on the day Kenshin left for Kyoto to visit Tomoe’s grave.” The man said when Yahiko opened the door. “I spend the whole day at her house and I chopped the firewood to warm the water for bath. And then it began to rain.”

“Huh?” Yahiko raised his eyebrows.

“The moment she kissed me.” Sanosuke smiled sadly and closed his eyes. “It was very late when we went to rest. I didn’t fall asleep, but when Megumi came in, I didn’t move and she thought I was sleeping. I felt how she leaned against me and said, “Thank you, you deserve it.” And then... and then she... just kissed me in the forehead... and whispered my name. I still don’t know if it was a real... did she done that because she really loves me... Maybe she tried to fool herself, because she really loves Kenshin. She’s suffering for him, not for me.”

"Don’t say like that, Sanosuke, it’s not like she could do that.”

“You think so?” He hid his hands in his pockets and sighed deeply. “I always thought about it and... I can’t overlook the idea that I was just a backup for her. Don’t you think?”

Yahiko didn’t say anything. They stood silent for a long time. And even though the sun is shining, it didn’t soften the frozen ground. The harsh wind was irreplaceable as the current feelings. The former gangster never felt so dysfunctional and not knowing what should really do, which way to go at first. He didn’t want to force or hurt himself or Megumi. Too much has happened in his life. Too many deaths and losses. He promised himself once that this would never happen again, that he would protect everyone he loves, but everything failed... and he lost his first and true love. It was lady Magdalia. Sayo... A beautiful woman with emerald eyes... After that, he had to look for a new path, much better path, but it was full of even more pain and disappointment. And finally, after so many years passed, Sanosuke understood what he needed to do, even if his heart was crumbled by fears and doubts.

“You have to talk to her openly.” Yahiko said.

Sanosuke laughed loudly.

“You read my mind. I have to tell her everything I think... I’ll understand if she’ll push me away, but at least I will know what she thinks. Shame on me that everything happened just like that.”

“You couldn’t do anything, Sanosuke, but it’s not your fault. You have done everything to help people you love, I’m sure it will always be. And you know what I’m thinking about? You are not a criminal, even if you were searched by the police all over Japan.”

The man shivered. Yahiko could read his thoughts or maybe he just knew him very well.

"It’s very cold here.” Finally Yahiko said. “I have to go inside. Do what’s best for you and everything will be alright.”

“Well then, I’ll go. First to Tae, I have to tell her something important, and then to kitsune. If everything will be fine, I’ll be back till evening.”

“Good luck, we will wait for you. Tsubame will make delicious meal for you.”

“Nice to hear it.” Sanosuke smiled. “You are grown up and changed a lot. I feel like you became a good swordsman, I’d like to fight with you.”

“What? You don’t have a sword, it would be dishonest!”

“Don’t be like Kenshin, I can fight without sword. You are not the only one who trained. During these years I learned a lot, even how to use a sword. Don’t forget I was the owner of Zanbatou* that was also a sword.”

“Yeah, you are right. It was even more impressive than a simple sword.”

“What about Tsubame? She doesn’t need to go to Akabeko*?”

“She will come later. Tae doesn’t give a lot of work for her.”

“I see.”

After a few minutes, a young Yahiko’s wife stepped through the door.

“Are you sure you don’t need new clothes before leaving, Sanosuke-san?” She asked.

“No, I’m fine with those, I’ll come back soon. Ja na*!”

Sanosuke slowly went away and quickly disappeared behind the gate. The last thing that Yahiko saw was his fluttering cape.

“Are you sure he’s okay?” Tsubame was worried. “It looks like he acts a bit weird.”

“Don’t worry, Sano can always take care of himself. I’m sure he will bear all his problems.”

“Maybe you are right.” The young woman looked at the clear sky and smiled. “It should be a beautiful day.”

 

Akabeko was still a popular beef hot pot restaurant, specially today there were a lot of customers and Tae had a lot of work to do. Tsubame hasn’t come yet, but the manager had new assistants and not worried about it.

She didn’t noticed the long-haired man who appeared in the interiors when she was serving her customers. He didn’t come closer, just stood up at the doorway and watched the woman with a smile in his face. It’s been a few minutes before she noticed a stranger.

“Excuse me, Sir, if you don’t plan to order a meal, it’s better to go out.” She said. “You stand on the way to the restaurant.”

The strange man didn’t say anything, his smile turned even wider. Tae was frustrated and wanted to say something more, but suddenly she stopped and gasped.

“Sano-san, is it you?”

“Yo, Tae!” Sanosuke raised his hand greeting with her.

“Oh my, are you really Sano-san?” She couldn’t believe. “It’s been long time.”

“Yeah, it’s really me, not my ghost, see?” He slowly came closer, cupped her cheek with one hand and looked at her face. “You are older now, but still the same.”

“What are you doing, Sanosuke, we’re in the middle of the restaurant!” She quickly went away with anger in her face. “If you want to talk, let’s go outside.”

“Don’t you have to talk to the owner that he will let you?”

“I am the owner. The former was very sick. Poor man...”

“Then why are you doing... all this... manager stuff?” His eyes turned big.

“Because I want to.” Tae pushed him through the door. “Hurry up, I still have work to do here.”

They finally went to the yard and looked at each other. It’s been a long time since they didn’t see each other, and Tae could admit that Sanosuke had changed a lot, even if his manners were the same.

“Well... when do you came back?” The woman asked.

“Remember that day, when Yahiko came to buy some food? I sent him. I wanted to come to you earlier, but the way home wasted a lot of my strength.” He was silent for a moment and digged the ground with his shoe. “Listen, I came here to apologize.”

“For what? You don’t have to apologize for me, Sano-san.”

“No, I have.” He disputed. “I have always used you... I always ate in your restaurant for free and you had to pay for me.”

“No problem. You brought a lot of customers here.”

“It’s not a reward, Tae, I was naive and childish. But now I changed and I’m going to pay you like a man, you know. I’ve earned a lot in other countries.” Sanosuke pulled out a large pouch of money from his waist pocket and put it in her arms. “Here, it’s a real reward for you. I hope you will not be angry at me again.”

"No, Sano-san, I’m not angry at all, what are you talking about?”

“Don’t be so modest, Tae, I know everything.” He slowly released the pouch, allowing it to be kept only by Tae. “Well, it’s time for me, I’m in hurry, we’ll meet again.”

He went with a waving hand. The woman was disturbed for some time and looked at the fading figure, and then suddenly she remembered that she was holding the pouch. She glanced at it for a moment.

“Wait, Sano-san, it’s too much!” She wanted to stop him, but when she looked at the road again, Sanosuke was gone. “Oh, he really has changed a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nani? – what?
> 
> Arigatou (gozaimasu) – thank you (very much).
> 
> Oi – hey.
> 
> Matte – wait.
> 
> Aku – evil, wicked, bad.
> 
> Sakabatou – Kenshin’s reverse-edge sword.
> 
> The Sekihoutai (Red Vanguard) – was a group of Japanese political extremists in the Bakumatsu, the Japanese civil war in the 1860s. The term also refers to a right-wing extremist group that operated in the 1980s.
> 
> Gochisousama deshita – Thanks for the food.
> 
> -san – a polite suffix meaning Mr. Miss or Mrs.
> 
> -kun – a suffix used for people of equal/younger age and equal (social) standing.
> 
> Dame yo! – stop it! or don’t!
> 
> Itsu mo no you ni – like always.
> 
> Soshite – and, and then.
> 
> Kitsune – fox (Megumi’s nickname by Sano)
> 
> Oniwabanshuu – Spies of the Edo period who would probably be called a kind of ninja today. Composed of those skilled in the arts of combat, they concealed themselves as shadows throughout the Shogun’s and daimyos’ estates to protect those within.
> 
> -sensei – master; teacher; doctor.
> 
> Zanbatou (horse-slaying-sward) – an ancient Japanese longsword devised even before the Sengoku Jidai. With its long, spear-like handle and even longer double-edged blade, a zanbatou was designed to take down a samurai on horseback – along with his horse – in a single swing, but due to its unwieldy size and a weight decidedly greater than any other katana, it is said that no one has even been able to brandish this unusual blade to its full capacity. However, this unique weapon is the trademark armament of Sagara Sanosuke. However, Zanbatou was broken by Kenshin in the begining of the series.
> 
> Akabeko – a popular restaurant in Tokyo specializing in Sukiyaki beef and other “Western-style” dishes. It’s owned by Sekihara family and managed by the owner’s daughter, Sekihara Tae.
> 
> Ja na – see yah.


	3. The Gift

Sanosuke bought a train ticket and went on gravel half-snowed road. It was a few hours before the train arrives, so he decided to walk around the city and go to several shops. He wanted to buy something special to Megumi, because he hadn’t seen her for so long, he couldn’t go to her with empty hands. But no matter how he tried to come up with what to give her, his head was empty as a pot.

“Man... I’m bad at gifts.” Sanosuke thought. “What should I do?”

He stopped at the store with engagement rings.

“Well, I guess one day I’ll need it. Even if Megumi doesn’t accept or be too proud to admit her love for me, I will do everything to make her tell what she really thinks.” Sanosuke laughed from himself. “It can’t be that she loves Kenshin, I always thought she was flirting with him because she was trying to draw my attention. I don’t care what Yahiko’s thinking, it’s worth trying to get her heart.”

The man stood at the store for a moment, then slowly walked on the road, kicking the stones under his feet. He knew it was too early for the ring, he had to buy something simpler. Buying a ring would be too stupid and reckless now.

“I wonder if Katsu is still in Japan?” Sanosuke thought. “Will he still working as a journalist? When I will visit Megumi, I will definitely go to him too. After all, we are friends, and I didn’t even say goodbye him properly when I had to flee. Those stupid politicians made my hurry so much...”

Walking among the crowd, Sanosuke suddenly felt something familiar and raised his head. He saw something just in moment, and his body felt an unusual cold wind. A large dark figure quickly disappeared among the people. The man didn’t understand what happened and stopped for looking around.

“Anji?” He murmured. “What does he do in Tokyo at the time like this? He should still be in prison, right? His punishment is not over yet, or maybe he was freed earlier? Or maybe it’s just me? Doesn’t matter, I have more important duties now.”

Sanosuke put his hands in the pockets, shrug his shoulders to warm and hid his nose in the collar. And then he started to think again what to buy for his beloved woman, but he didn’t succeed. The man wanted her to be happy, to smell her sweet feminine scent, to touch the bright skin and stretch her long hair... At the moment, nothing could warm him up, but the thoughts that made him out of mind. He never wanted Megumi as strong as he wanted now, but he couldn’t hurl things up and act like an animal.

“Gotcha!” Sanosuke stopped and hit his palm with his fist. “She will definitely love it. All women love perfume. But where do I find the perfume store? Everything changed here until I was gone.”

After a two hour’s search, the man finally found what he needed. The perfume store, called “The Scent of Love”, stood on the outskirts of the city, so he had to look for it hard. He slowly came closer and opened the door. A warm and pleasant smell was taking on the place.

“Good morning, Mister, what would you like?” The shop-assistant asked with a kind smile in her face.

“Um... I’m not really sure...” Sanosuke scratched his hairy head.

“What would your girlfriend like? Maybe you know which perfume she wants the most?”

“Actually...” Sanosuke’s face turned very red.

“Maybe you have no money?”

“No, not that, just...” He shook his head. “Excuse me, but how do you know I will buy a perfume for a woman?”

“Men are uncommon here.” The assistant still smiled. “If you want, I will help you to choose the best perfume. Here it is.” The woman showed him the showcase with a lot of tiny glass bottles. “Take a look, Mister. The perfume of Damascus Rose is very popular in last few years.” She carefully took the crystal glass perfume bottle with sterling top. “This is one of the most expensive fragrances at this time. It made from the oldest roses in the world. Your woman should be really happy, no one will refuse it.”

“Okay, I don’t know anything about perfume, I’ll take it.” Sanosuke pulled out another pouch with money from his waist pocket. “Maybe you can pack it with a ribbon or somehow?”

Sanosuke finally got out of the store and the cold wind met him again. It was about an hour before the train arrives, so he had to hurry up to the station. The less time left, the hardly his heart beatted in the chest. He dreadfully wanted to come to Aizu and see Megumi, find out how she works, how and where she lives. The man had no doubt that she had a good apartment, because she earned a lot of money as a doctor. But now he also had a lot and he wasn’t ashamed that he will appear with empty pockets.

The former gangster didn’t even felt how he reached the train station. The train just got out of the corner and approached with a loud blow. Sanosuke was happy that he managed to overcome the fear of machines, so he waited stationary. And when he went to his seat, he finally could take a breath and wait for his arrival in Aizu. He put his head on the backrest, closed his eyes and began to think. He remembered the day when he travelled by the train for the first time.

A locomotive began running between Shinbashi and Yokohama on september of the fifth year of the Meiji Era. Yokohama, the international port full of ships from all over the world, was less than an hour of travel away from the capital city of Japan. The locomotive, shipped from England by steamboat, could pull eight cars. It trudged at forty kilometers each hour. It was a symbol of Cultural Revolution, and many of the passengers were merchants who specialized in import goods. At the time, it was thought that flames from the locomotive could cause fires, so most of the tracks were laid on banks near the ocean. On sunny days, you can see the Shimousa Mountains in the distance and sometimes even Mount Fuji.

They were in hurry to the station then. They didn’t want to miss the train, because Kaoru paid for tickets quite expensive. Sanosuke as usual had to carry a lot of stuff, because he was the only one so strong to lift heavy things up.

“I’m not here because I want to be here!” Sanosuke said disgruntled.

“Look here.” Kaoru stopped and started to knead his face like a dough. “I was thinking that you guys were tired of working at the Dojo every day.”

“Yeah, yeah...”

“I thought you guys could use something to take your mind off of things. Also I thought I should let you guys ride a steam locomotive for once! I think you need to be thankful.”

“N-now, both of you.” Kenshin tried to calm them.

“Quit it already!” Yahiko interrupted.

The place was very crowded. One merchant from England transported gold coins by the train and it caused a lot of problems, because some guys wanted to steal that gold. Sanosuke and his friends just planned to go to Yokohama, to eat some Western sweets, that they called chocolate, and do a group photo. Sanosuke was completely dissatisfied with the idea. He believed that camera could suck the soul, but now he just laughed at it. Also from the fact that he couldn’t understand how the kettle could move such a heavy thing like train. But now he knew, once he was working in the engine room when he was away from Japan.

Kaoru at the time looked so happy and excited, even if she paid one yen for each ticket.

“I’m getting off.” Despite this fact, Sanosuke got up from the seat. “I’m getting off of this thing!”

However, Kaoru grabbed him by the clothes and urged Kenshin to help bringing him back to the seat. They didn’t cared how strange the other passengers were staring at them, it was more important that their friend stayed. Now Sanosuke was glad that he didn’t leave, because on that day, Kenshin fell from the roof fighting people who wanted to steal gold coins. Sanosuke had to keep a separated train wagon with a chain, and no one would be able to do it. Besides, Kaoru and Yahiko needed help until Kenshin reached the train with a horse.

“I told you earlier, it moves by the power of steam.” Kaoru’s voice sounded in his head and he smiled a bit.

“Jou-chan*...” The man said silently and looked through the window, but he saw only the snowy fields. “Even if I always argued with you, you were an important person in my life. You have always been noble and brave... You never said that, but I knew that you were concerned about me. You were worried and afraid for me, just like I was for you. I believe you were sad when I had to leave, just like the day Kenshin left you alone... But now... now you’re happy with Kenshin in heaven. I have to live with your bright images in my memory, remember how you smile. On the other hand, I’m glad I didn’t see you suffering, jou-chan, it was too painful to see Kenshin dying.”

Sanosuke turned from the window and closed his eyes again. Then he slowly lifted the package, a gift for Megumi, and smelled the perfect scent.

“Mmm... it smells good. Megumi will love it.”

And then he fell asleep. It wasn’t a deep sleep, most likely napping, because he heard the voices around him. His head was full of many adventures in Tokyo and outside the capital, with a lot of mistakes and happy moments that could make him smile. No matter how he tried to live in the present, the uncontrollable past returned to his memory and dreams. Every day.

Sanosuke was awakened by shaking. He stood up knowing that the train had stopped, and went outside. He had no idea which way to go to find Megami’s house, but he had an address. He wrote a few letters to Megumi and now had one left in his dougi* pants. Without waiting, he pulled out an old creasy paper from the pocket.

“Gosh... I didn’t send her the last letter...” The man thought. “I hope she’s not very angry about it.”

He walked without a hurry, wanted to look around a bit. He knew that Aizu was the westernmost of the three regions of Fukushima Prefecture in Japan, the other two regions being Nakadōri in the central area of the prefecture and Hamadōri in the east. During the Edo period*, Aizu was a feudal domain known as Aizu Domain. It was part of Mutsu Province. The area once was part of Iwase Province in the eighth century and, before the prefectural system, Iwashiro Province.

Sanosuke could admit that it was a really nice place, but he admired the city for an hour and decided that now it would be best to find Megumi until the sky is still bright. There wasn’t a dinner time yet, but he knew that during the winter the sky becomes darker very fast, and then it gets very cold. It was already cold for him, maybe he couldn’t bear the night. Besides, the deep winter has just begun, much colder and darker days waited ahead.

Sanosuke met a few men and asked if they know Doctor Takani. He thought she should be known all over Aizu, and he was right. The good people told him the shortest way to Megumi’s house. To make sure it’s really the right place, he checked the letter with the address again. Yes, he’s already arrived. He finally reached his goal, he just had to come closer to the door and...

It seemed that his heart would come out of the chest. He hid one hand with gift behind his back, and knocked on the door with another hand. He heard a silence for a while and thought that maybe Megumi had already left, because many patients were waiting for her. Her clinic may have been a bit further away from her house and he will have to wait and freeze outside until late evening. But soon he heard silent steps. It seemed to him that they were somewhat timid, a few seconds before the door was finally opened looked like eternity.

And finally, Sanosuke could see the face that he wanted to see. Yes, it was really Megumi. A little bit changed, with wavy hair, but as usual with her doctor’s clothes. She looked at the visitor a bit disturbed and saw a strange familiar grin in his face. She looked at Sanosuke’s eyes for a moment, as if trying to restore memories of him or trying to figure out if it’s really him.

“Sano... suke?” Megumi whispered slowly.

The man shivered when he heard her lips saying his name. He stood speechless, but then realized that he had to say something.

“Tadaima*.”

He said just one word, but the woman looked very tense. She was struggling to control the tears that began to fall.

“It’s all right, you shouldn’t hide it.” Sanosuke’s smile got even wider and he slowly walked through the threshold.

“Okaeri nasai, baka tori*.” Megumi finally smiled and her arms gently wrapped his waist.

They were standing for a moment hugging each other, but when the woman was about to step back, the strong manly arms didn’t let her go. She squirmed a little.

“Let me go, you idiot, I’m freezing here!”

“Gomen nasai*, foxy, I just... missed you very much.” Sanosuke took his hands that Megumi wouldn’t see the gift.

“That doesn’t mean you have to let me freeze.” She closed the door. “Come in, you’re also freezing, aren’t you?”

“Yeah... sure... It’s really very cold.” He admitted.

“Let’s go to the room, I’ll make you some tea.”

“Sounds good. But how about your patients?”

“Morning checkout is over, I have one patient, but now he is sleeping.”

“I see. Let’s go then.” And Sanosuke left the snowy shoes at the door.

The woman brought the guest to a cosy corridor, opened the door to a small room and turned to Sanosuke. And then she saw that he was holding something behind his back.

“Wait a minute, do you hide something from me?”

The man felt awkward.

“No, I’m not.” He smiled widely and felt his cheeks flushing. “I just thought... We haven’t seen each other for so long and... I just thought of buying a gift for you.”

“A gift?”

“I wanted to give it to you in the right time.”

“The right time is now.”

“Well... If you say so...” He slowly raised his hand with the package. “I know I can’t say nice words, but... I’m very happy that at the time when I was gone, nothing bad happened to you and... I am glad I can see you again.”

“It’s all right.” She laughed at him, placing her finger on his lips. “You don’t have to say it, I’m happy too, because the chicken-head stayed alive without my help. I really hope that I don’t need to take care of your wounds because of your carelessness.”

“Don’t worry, I’m more careful now. Here.” He put the package in her palms. “I don’t know anything about this stuff, but I hope you’ll like it. It’s nothing special about it, but...”

“Just stop it, baka*.” Megumi smiled.

“Stop what?”

“Don’t talk nonsense. The most important thing that you came back. That’s enough for me. Besides, today is my birthday and it’s more special.”

“Really?” Sanosuke was amazed. “But I didn’t know that! I really didn’t know! We... we have never celebrated your birthday.”

“Because I always have a lot of work.” Megumi was a bit upset. “After you and Ken-san rescued me from Kanryuu’s captivity, I've been working all the time. Life is more important than someone’s birthday.”

“What are you talking about, foxy? Birthday is also very important, you have to rest today, you deserve it.”

“I don’t know...”

“Come on, just unwrap my gift already, I can buy some sake* or something.”

“I really very appreciate it, but...”

The man remained silent and looked at her sad face for some time.

“You still can’t accept that Kenshin is gone?”

“I think so... but because of that I can’t ruin your mood.” Megumi smiled again. “I’ll take a look what you bought here, okay?”

“Aa*.” Sanosuke said. “Let’s do it together.”

He raised his hands and carefully, with Megumi holding a package in her palms, untied the red ribbon to make it easier to see what’s inside. The woman opened the box and her eyes widened.

“Thank you, tori-atama*, it looks very expensive.” Her fox ears popped out on her head. “I really hope I will not have to pay for it.”

“No, no!” Sanosuke denied. “You still think that bad about me?!”

“Nobody can say it.” Megumi went to the door. “Wait here, I’ll be back soon.”

And she disappeared behind the door. Sanosuke looked around, found the table and sat on the floor waiting for her. He could admit that her apartment is small but comfortable enough to live. He tried to imagine what would happen if he had to live here all the time, if their children could play in this room.

“Nani*?! Why do I think about it right now?” He hit his face with his palms as if trying to stop himself from his thoughts. “Maybe I’m sick or something? Would I really be able to take such responsibility as wife and children?”

But there was no time to think about it, Megumi came back to the room with a tray in her hands. She put it on the table and sat down gracefully in front of Sanosuke.

“I brought you some tea and ohagi*. I made them before you arrived.”

“Are you alone here?”

“Yes now. I have some assistants, but they got an invitation, and I stayed here for one very sick patient.”

“I see.”

They sat quietly for a moment. Sanosuke felt uncomfortable in the silence and didn’t hurry to eat, although it didn’t suit him. The lady doctor watched him through the hair bangs, because she didn’t want to draw his attention.

“You know, ohagi have never been so delicious.” He said.

“Really? I made them the same as always.”

“Maybe it’s just me, I didn’t eat it for a very long time. If you got to know what kind of food you can find in other countries.”

“I believe in that.” Megumi opened her mouth to say something more, but her thoughts changed and she remained silent.

“What’s wrong?” Sanosuke’s hand with ohagi stopped in the air.

“I just... have to ask you so many questions.”

“Okay. Just do it.”

Before asking she waited a bit more as if thinking if it’s worth to talk about it.

“I just... It’s very strange that...” She started. “That you come back after fifteen years. You sent your last letter ten years ago and... and you were planning to come back soon.”

“So?”

“Why didn’t you come back and didn’t write any letters? Why couldn’t you explain what happened? Where have you been all the time?”

The man suddenly became sad and turned his eyes to the floor.

“I... can’t remember clearly...”

Megumi was surprised.

“But how? Why?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jou-chan – little missie or missy (Kaoru here).
> 
> Dougi pants – training pants (like Sanosuke’s in the anime. In the manga it looks more like hakama – a wide-legged pants worn by men (like Kenshin and Yahiko) and by Kaoru as she practices kenjutsu).
> 
> Edo Period – is the period between 1603 and 1868 in the history of Japan, when Japanese society was under the rule of the Tokugawa shogunate and the country’s 300 regional daimyō. The period was characterized by economic growth, strict social order, isolationist foreign policies, a stable population, “no more wars”, and popular enjoyment of arts and culture. The shogunate was officially established in Edo on March 24, 1603, by Tokugawa Ieyasu. The period came to an end with the Meiji Restoration on May 3, 1868, after the fall of Edo.
> 
> Tadaima – I’m home.
> 
> Okaeri nasai, baka tori – welcome back, stupid rooster.
> 
> Gomen nasai – I’m sorry.
> 
> Baka – jerk, idiot.
> 
> Sake – a Japanese rice wine.
> 
> Aa – yeah, yup; a masculine expression.
> 
> Tori-atama – rooster-head.
> 
> Nani? – what?
> 
> Ohagi – chewy rice balls covered with sweet bean jam.


	4. The Untold Feelings

Sanosuke and Megumi quietly ate lunch and washed the dishes together. Megumi went to check the patient and gave him some medicine. The snow began to fall slowly, probably a snowstorm is going to come again. All the streets were full of snow, and during these snowstorms people were not able to dig it normally.

“So... how long are you going to be here?” A lady doctor asked after an uncomfortable silence.

“As much as you need, foxy. You know, we haven’t seen each other for so long, but all the time when I was in other countries, I was thinking about the day I can return to Japan and see my friends. You have always been, and you will be a special person in my life, you have saved my life many times.”

“As I can see, your right hand looks normal now.” She smiled. “How you lived without fighting?”

“As you can see, I have more brains than you think.”

“But... don’t you really remember what you were doing in those years when we didn’t know anything about you? I was so worried, you didn’t write any letters, and I thought... that you never came back...”

“Calm down, kitsune*, I never betrayed my friends, even if I make mistakes sometimes.” Sanosuke looked through the window. “What do I remember... that I was leaving Japan and what I was doing five years after. And then nothing. Ten years just disappeared somehow. One day I woke up and realized that I was not the same person as before. I still remember how I wrote a letter to jou-chan* and Yahiko. Then they asked me to find Kenshin and help him come back home because I was in China at the time. They didn’t tell me all the details, but when I saw Kenshin, I realized that he was seriously ill. That’s why I had to help him.”

“Did you... brought him home?”

“I carried him with a horse for some time, but later I showed him a ship that he would take to Japan quicker. I knew that he would die soon, so I just said goodbye and...”

“Well... you’ll probably have to stay here longer to figure out what happened to you. Maybe it’s an amnesic form and it has happened to you for some kind of... shocking accident?”

“Don’t worry about me, kitsune, I’ll be fine. I promised Kenshin that I will live just like him, I will be honest and upstanding, and I will never tolerate any more anger inside me.”

“You’re really grown up, rooster-head. And you don’t arguing with me like before.”

“Yeah... really so...” Sanosuke suddenly turned to her. “Listen, maybe you want me to make dinner today?”

“What did you say?” Megumi was surprised. “You want to say that you know how to cook, but you went to the Dojo* all the time and complained about Kaoru’s cooking skills?”

“Of course, I always had a clue how to cook, but I was too lazy to make money and eat my own food.” A silly smile appeared in his face. “Even when I was with Kenshin, I cooked special dishes for him to recover his strength.”

The woman was even more surprised. It was strange to her that Sanosuke never tried to cook something in Kaoru’s kitchen. She slowly came closer and, as if she didn’t understand herself, gently stroked his hand, then cupped his fingers with her palms.

“Thank you for take care of Kenshin.”

“It’s not a big deal. You don’t have to thank me.”

Sanosuke for some time looked disturbed at Megumi, holding his hand. He didn’t even know what to do, either to step aside and not to rush out the moment, or to let everything go its own way. He chose to wait. As if she realized she was too close, she went away promptly.

“Well... you can show me your special dish today.” She sighed. “I’ll go to the store and buy everything you need, okay?”

Sanosuke was a little surprised.

“You don’t have to cold outside, I’ll go by myself, and later I dig the snow from the road to allow people to get to the clinic better.”

Megumi looked at him right in the eyes.

“Why?”

“What do you mean?”

“You... you’re too good for me...” And suddenly she turned away. “I’ve done so many bad things in the past... I know what you said and I can’t forget it, but... Nobody loved me so much, I only needed them as a doctor. I feel like... I’m not worth it. It looks like I was living just for work here and I don’t need anything else. But it’s not the case, I am a human and I also need to live my life. All the years when you were gone... I didn’t see anything but wounds, blood, illnesses and pain. Everyone visited me without thinking about how I feel. But you and Ken-san... you showed me that you care about me. Only for your sake I found my vocation and tried to atone my sins. But even when it’s been more than fifteen years, I... I don’t feel like I atone them at all. Maybe... our fate belongs to the sins, that’s why I am all alone.”

“Megumi.” For a while silent, Sanosuke said with a husky voice. “You’ll never be alone, I will always be around.”

“You don’t have to...”

“But I want too. I know what it means when you can’t see your family, although you know they are alive. Your father died and you were separated from your mother and brothers. It should have been your hardest time, but you’re re-united with your family, right? You came to Aizu because of it?”

“Yes.” She smiled. “But I’m too busy to be with my family all the time.”

“Don’t be so harsh, Megumi, make yourself a holiday and be sure to visit them.”

“Hai* Sanosuke, but...” The woman was about to grab him by the arm, but he went to the door. “But what about your family?”

But he didn’t hear her words and went out into the yard. Megumi had no courage to go after him, so she stayed inside. Although she had a fireplace at home, it was still cold somehow. The winter was colder than usual though. Maybe it wasn’t a cold period, but a gloomy mood that never changed after Kenshin and Kaoru died. She never felt so sad. The last time was when she lost her family and lived completely alone. But after five years she met Kenshin and his comrades. From that time she felt she is in her new family. Those good people gave her hope of living further.

She clearly remembered that Sanosuke hadn’t wanted to take her to their family from the very beginning. Kaoru told her that they all live together and consider themselves as a family because they all lost their true families and remained alone in the world. Just like her. Megumi had to feel happy to find such good people, but she didn’t. That day was very painful for her because she was guilty of the death of Sanosuke’s friend. She didn’t blame him for his despite, she only blamed herself for failing to suicide or escape from the Edo Castle earlier. But now the woman was happy that she didn’t commit suicide, and Sanosuke forgave her and... maybe... one day...

Megumi shook her head.

“Why do I think about it? Sanosuke saved my life, but that doesn’t mean he loves me. He flirted with me more than once before, but now... when so many years have passed... I think I’m getting too old to think about it. I am better off thinking about my job, I will never be a good doctor if I don’t think about what I really need. I have never told Sanosuke that I secretly love him, but it’s too late now...”

The lady doctor slowly went to the corridor, thinking about the past. She couldn’t forget the day when Sanosuke came to rescue her. She was just going to the Edo Castle, and he was standing serious, leaning against the gate, and waited for her to come. And then... he said what she had never expected. The same Sanosuke Sagara, who hated her for the death of his friend, came to tell her what she should do. Is he really worried about her? Megumi still couldn’t believe it. Why? Why did he forgave so easily after everything she did?

“What are you planning to do?” He asked. “Going back to Kanryuu and all...”

“Don’t worry.” She smiled unnaturally. “I won’t make more of the opium that killed your friend. I promise you.”

“You know that Kanryuu isn’t going to like that.” He started walking closer to her.

“I told you, I will keep my promise.” She said seriously when he stood right in front of her. “So don’t get in my way. I’m in a hurry.”

Megumi was already going, but suddenly she froze.

“Don’t hurry yourself to your death!” Anger was flashing at Sanosuke’s eyes and he spoke with a much stronger and louder voice. “Missie, you got Kenshin and me, Sanosuke, at your side. Don’t you go worrying too much.”

“You’re...” Megumi was surprised and turned to him.

“The girls are waiting for you at the Dojo. And somewhere out there, your family is too...”

“It’s all right.” She smiled again with a fake smile and tried not to cry in front of him. “Even if I were to find my family, how could I face them? I’m a part of an illegal opium ring. I can’t erase such a dirty past.”

“Don’t be so stuck up!” His voice grew even louder and stricter. “You’re not the only one with the past that you want to erase! It’s not like my friend will come back to life if you died! If you stay alive, you can repent. Someday, there will be a day when you see your family again. If you die, all that becomes nothing.”

Megumi still remembered how deep and sincere his voice was. Her whole body was trembling. She realized that Sanosuke would never have forgive himself if something bad had happened to her. He was not a person who never cares about others. He could do anything to protect his friends, even if it would cost his own blood. He didn’t really care about it. That’s what Megumi realized then. And she was happy that Sanosuke can be very observant and understanding, if it’s necessary, even if at times he seemed stupid or even ruffian in his actions.

It was the first time the woman wasn’t just sad by dead Sanosuke’s friend, but was afraid of his life. That day they didn’t go home together so easily. One of Oniwabanshuu*, named Shikijou, got on their way. Sanosuke had to make a lot of effort to defeat him, but poor man was brutally head-butted. Megumi felt guilty that she involved others in her troubles, and they got injured. However, Sanosuke was strong and enduring, and managed to stand up in beating the enemy after the head-butt. And Megumi clearly didn’t remember what happened next, she saw Beshimi’s face in front of her. After that everything was filled with darkness. When she woke up, she was in the Edo Castle at Kanryuu, trying to kill him...

Megumi tried not to think about it anymore, it was her most terrible nightmare. But now it was over, Kanryuu was locked in prison and there was nothing to fear about.

“Oi*, kitsune!”

The woman shook a little.

“Oh, you’re back.”

“Yeah. Where to put all this stuff?”

“The kitchen’s here.” Megumi brought him to its way, but she suddenly realized. “Hey, how did you find the store? You didn’t even asked me.”

“I saw it on the way to you. Just wait and you’ll see my cooking skills. I believe you never ate anything like that, I found that recipe in China.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Sorry, but it’s a secret, foxy.” Sanosuke smiled innocently and put products on the table. “Well, it’s too early for dinner, I can dig the snow now, do you have a shovel?”

“Yes, it’s in the shed. But... wait, Sano...”

“What is it?”

“You are just my guest, you don’t have to. Before that, I did it by myself so many times.”

“You don’t need to when you have a strong man here. Be inside, today it’s extremely cold. And it’s your birthday after all.”

“But I want to help you. Now I’m free, no patients around. That one in the clinic just fell asleep again...”

Sanosuke waited a little.

“Well, okay. But when you get cold, go inside quickly.”

“All right, Sanosuke, don’t worry so much about me.”

“Let’s go, it’s getting dark.”

Megumi showed him where the shed was, and they started digging snow off the road. Although the woman felt uncomfortable that the guest was working, she was still pleased with his help, since all her assistants were away and no one could help her. She knew that they would take a lot of time with their patients, because there was a mysterious condition around that infected Kenshin and Kaoru, and there was no medicine to heal it. But the alchemists worked hard to find it out.

Megumi stopped to rest and turned to look at Sanosuke. He was so busy working that he didn’t even noticed her look. She wondered how he had changed. In the past, she needed to get him to work, but now he was willing to do everything himself, he even intended to cook something. She believed that it would be delicious. Now she had absolutely no doubts about his words somehow. She didn’t even felt how she smiled, but the cold wind destroyed all her thoughts. Megumi rubbed her hands to warm up and didn’t saw how Sanosuke stopped working and came closer.

“Hey, kitsune, go inside already, I’m almost finished.”

“Hai.” She said. “I’ll make some hot tea again.”

“Yes. But when I come, you will leave the kitchen, okay?”

“What is so special about the dish?”

“You will see, it will be your second birthday gift, and now hurry up until your fingers get blue.”

Megumi looked at Sanosuke for a moment, turning to work again, and went home. After half an hour he finally appeared in the interiors. It was so warm inside that he dressed off his cape and sat down at the table, where Megumi had placed a steaming cup of tea.

“Rooster, are you hurt?” Megumi gasped suddenly.

“Huh?” Sanosuke looked down at his bleeding wound. “Nothing bad, it’s already three days.”

“It probably opened, you didn’t need to dig a snow. You said you are much more careful!”

“Yeah, but I wanted to do you a favor.” He smiled.

“Okay, now I’ll do a favor for you.” The woman stood up and brought her medicine box. “Take off your sarashi*, I’ll fix you up.”

Megumi didn’t wait until he answered something and began to uncover his wound. Her soft but cold fingers tickled his abdomen, and he shivered a bit. The woman felt it and stopped for a short time.

“What’s wrong?” The former gangster asked.

“I just... I thought you might... be cold. You need a blanket or something.”

“No, it’s warm enough here.”

“You think so? But it’s really very cold to me.”

“Maybe I need to warm you up?”

The woman’s eyebrows twitched.

“Do you really want to be so close to me?”

“Um... well...” Sanosuke blushed and started to scratch his head, what was usual for him in awkward situations. “Would it be so bad?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about that.”

“But you are freezing. Your hands seem very cold. Oh, I know, just take it.” Sanosuke lifted his cape and covered her shoulders with it. “Well, it should be warmer now. Drink some tea and you’ll really get better.”

Megumi smiled a little. What happened? He’s never been so good to her, and now he’s even wrapped her with his garment. The woman smelled its pleasant smell and it was much easier for her to bind up Sanosuke’s wound. The cape was still very warm and she could admit that she liked it. She wanted this day never to end. And when Sanosuke finally went to make dinner, she tried to imagine being his wife and that it lasts for many years. Now she knew what it would mean if they really were spouses. She never imagined that Sanosuke could be so good when he didn’t tease her and took more serious action.

‘But doesn’t he do it just because today is my birthday?’ Megumi thought. ‘Everything looks like a dream, but it’s so realistic... Still, he missed me a lot. But what will happen later? Will he just leave me? Will he leave like in the day he had to flee from Japan? He probably has a lot of things to do in Tokyo, no wonder if he goes out, but why I don’t want to let him go?’ The woman touched the cup with her lips. ‘I don’t know his feelings for me, I must figure it out. But how?’

“Here, kitsune, try this.” After an hour Sanosuke brought a tray and put it on the table. “You should like it.”

“I really hope it’s not a poison.” Megumi laughed. “Otherwise, I will kill you in the afterlife.”

“Your tongue is still as sharp as before.”

She looked at the dish.

“And what’s here?”

“Just try it already!”

The woman didn’t tease him anymore and agreed that it’s time to eat. And when she put the first bite in her mouth, she realized that she never ate anything like that before. But after that a much better thing happened. Megumi’s assistants after work decided to go to her and hold a party. The birthday has never been so entertaining and noisy. The woman was happier than usual, because Sanosuke was nearby, and she wore his cape all evening and felt surrounded by his warmth.

After the party, everyone just fell asleep on the floor, except Sanosuke and Megumi. They put guests on the extra futons* they had at home to make them comfortable to sleep, plus they could freeze on the floor.

“Well then...” Sanosuke sighed. “I think it’s time to go home. Yahiko and Tsubame are waiting for me.”

Megumi got sad a little.

"Wait, Sano, I... Do you really want to come home in such a cold night and when it’s so dark?”

The man looked at her for a moment.

“Are you really so worried about me?”

“Of course, you baka*! I’m always worried about you.”

“Okay.” He sighed. “If I stay here, there are no extra futons here.”

“I have one in the other room.”

“Are you serious? We will have to share a futon?!”

“Of course, I don’t want you to sleep on the floor and get cold. Besides... besides, I have two blankets, if it’s better for you.”

“Fine, I give up and I’m staying here, don’t look at me with such sad eyes!”

Megumi smiled a bit and brought Sanosuke to the room. They rolled out the futon together, put pillows and blankets, and then the woman took out the jinbei*.

“Wait, why do you have a man’s sleepwear in your home?” Do you have a husband?” Sanosuke asked.

“This is my brother’s. They both come to visit me often and sometimes they stay at night.” She explained. “You are very lucky you don’t have to sleep naked. But now, while I’m dressing, don’t look at me, you pervert!”

“There is nothing you can hide from me, kitsune.”

“Turn away and don’t try to look at me, do you understand? We are not married, Sanosuke, and you can’t see me like that.”

“Okay, okay.”

Sanosuke turned and closed his eyes. He heard slowly slipping clothes from Megumi’s body and flushed slightly. Then he felt how she crawled under the blanket.

“Okay, I’m done, it’s your turn now.” She said. “I’m not looking at you.”

The man quickly undressed and also crawled down under his blanket. They were turned their backs to each other, Sanosuke lay stationary, because he didn’t want to touch her.

‘Damn it! How will I have children with her if I’m even afraid to look at her?’ He thought. ‘How I will be able to touch her?’

“Sanosuke?” Megumi said after uncomfortable silence.

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna rape you.”

"No, not that. I wanted to thank you for everything you have done today.”

“No prob. I don’t want to be the same as my father. I don’t want you to afraid of me.”

“I’m not scared of you at all.”

“Sometimes I’m acting like my father, but I’ll try to change. I don’t want to end like him.”

Megumi sighed deeply. She wanted to ask what happened to his father, but she didn’t dare, and Sanosuke didn’t bother himself to tell.

“I wonder if Yahiko and Tsubame are worried about me.” He said.

“I hope they will understand why you are here.” Megumi whispered. “Good night, Sanosuke...”

And she fell asleep. However, Sanosuke wasn’t. He was thinking of what to do next. Only when he convinced that Megumi really asleep, he turned and looked at her. The sleeping woman was even more beautiful. It seemed that nobody would disturb this silence and peace, but so much has been untold...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kitsune – Fox.
> 
> Jou-chan – little missie or missy (Kaoru here).
> 
> Dojo – a training place for martial arts or swordsmanship (Kaoru trained Yahiko and other students there).
> 
> Hai – Yes.
> 
> Oniwabanshuu – Spies of the Edo period who would probably be called a kind of ninja today. Composed of those skilled in the arts of combat, they concealed themselves as shadows throughout the Shogun’s and daimyos’ estates to protect those within.
> 
> Oi – Hey.
> 
> Sarashi – a long, winding strip of cloth, usually thick cotton, wrapped tightly around the midriff up to the chest. Historically, samurai wore them under their kimonos, to resist injury.
> 
> Futon – a thin Japanese mattress that is rolled up for the day.
> 
> Baka – Idiot, jerk.
> 
> Jinbei – a kind of traditional Japanese clothing worn by men, women, boys, girls, and even babies during the summer. Jinbei are usually worn as a form of nightwear or house wear.


	5. Unexpected Guests

Sanosuke woke up when the sunlight began to touch his face. He rubbed his eyes and turned around to lay on his back.

“Wha..?!”

Megumi leaned over, quietly watching him.

“Time to get up, sleepyhead. The patients are waiting for, will you help me a bit?”

“Yeah... sure...” Sanosuke mumbled and looked at the woman closely. She was still wearing her sleepwear, it seemed that she just got up. Her hair was tangled and he thought for a moment that it was making her sexier.

“I’ll go to bathe, and you can clean the room, okay?” She said with a soft voice, grabbed her kimono* and went to the door.

“Maybe one day I’ll be lucky, you know.”

“What do you mean?” Megumi was confused.

“Maybe I’ll see you bathing naked?”

She looked angrily at him, with a reddish face.

“You will not succeed, I always lock the door.”

“I believe that one day you’ll forget it.” He grinned innocently.

“Baka*. We are not married.” She reminded and turned to the door.

“Or maybe it’s not that bad, huh? We look like a married couple! We even slept together!”

“It doesn’t change anything.” Megumi rolled her eyes. “It happened because I was too good for you.”

“But you can agree that you liked it.”

“The next time you don’t succeed. I did it because we didn’t see each other for a long time and you bought me a birthday gift.”

“I haven’t heard that you didn’t like it!”

“Stop talking like that!” The woman was even more reddened and closed the door behind her.

Sanosuke laughed from himself.

‘Yes, one day I will find out what she thinks about me! And then she will not run away from me! I never thought it could be so hard... I even felt very strange myself... I don’t understand why when it’s all set in a romantic way, I’m getting so strange... If my actions were as bold as my words...’

After cleaning the room, Sanosuke went to the kitchen and waited for Megumi. When she came, they quietly made breakfast and sat down to eat.

“You will help me a little, okay?” Megumi repeated. “I just got a package of new medicine and I still didn’t unpack it. Until I check the patients, you put the medicine in the shelves, okay? It’s nothing hard.”

“No prob. I can do more for you.” Sanosuke scratched his head. “And what are you going to do later today?”

“The same thing as always. I have a patient who is still very ill, maybe he’s already awake, I will check it first. And you should go back to Tokyo, Yahiko is waiting for you.”

“Yeah, he promised me a wonderful dinner yesterday, but I skipped it.”

“What you’re going to do after returning to Tokyo?”

“First I planned to visit Kenshin and jou-chan’s* graves, and then I’ll have to go to an old good friend. He hasn’t seen me for a long time, we have a lot to talk about.”

“Are you going to go to the cemetery today?”

“Yeah, so?”

“I also should go, after the funeral, I have never been there.”

“But you said you have a very ill patient.”

"Yes, but today one of my assistants stays here. I will show him what kind of medicine he has to give him, and everything will be fine. Remember, you said that I shouldn’t be so harsh for myself.” She smiled.

“Okay then, you can go together.” Sanosuke agreed.

“But before that, you’ll have to fix your hairstyle, it’s all messy!” Megumi laughed, grabbed his hair and stretched it.

“Itee*! Megumi, let it go!”

Sanosuke tried to pull his hair out of her hands, but the woman didn’t allow him and pulled him closer. But she did it too strong, because he fell on her lap, barely throwing out a meal in front of her. Megumi laid down her hands, so he wanted to get up, but suddenly she grabbed his head.

“What the hell, Megumi?! What’s wrong with you?!”

“Wait a minute, I saw something strange.”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“Let me see more.” Megumi split his hair and saw it in one place shorter than it should be. “Sanosuke, have you hurt your head?”

“Yeah, just recently... Maybe a month ago. Why?”

“You have a big scar here.”

“Possible. Remember, I told you yesterday that I didn’t remember the last ten years? When I was awake, I was in some unknown place surrounded by strangers. I didn’t ask to them what happened, because I was thinking that I would remember everything when my head stop hurting. On that day, I didn’t thank them and escaped, because they didn’t want to let me go. But believe me, I was so insane that I couldn’t remember. I wandered for a few days without food in the forest, with a bleeding head, but some guy helped me. If not he, I would be dead... probably.”

“You didn’t need to escape so fast, you had to ask them what happened.” Megumi stared at his head even more closely.

“I am sure that nothing bad has happened, I’ve always been entangled in all kinds of accidents and I am keen to fight. It was my passion. You know that I got hurt by this so many times.”

“Do you think it’s nothing bad to get a shot at your head?” The woman looked really scared. “This scar is surely left by bullet. That’s insane, how are you still alive?”

“I don’t know.”

“This is not the answer, Sanosuke.” Megumi said seriously. “We must find out if someone may chase you, but you can’t remember that.”

“Do you worry about me, kitsune*?” Sanosuke lifted his head comfortably and started to eat again. “Hurry up, we have a lot to do today.”

They continued to eat without any words. Megumi was increasingly worried about Sanosuke, unable to understand what had happened to him. She felt he was in danger, and this time it’s more serious than before. The woman couldn’t let him go home so easily, she may have been needed, and every moment was important.

After breakfast, Megumi took up her usual work. There were not many patients, so on the moments she was watching how Sanosuke’s strong and masculine arms carrying heavy medical boxes, how putting bottles on the shelves, and then carrying up other boxes again. She always loved to watch Sanosuke working, he seemed even more manly and sexier. She remembered how she watched him on the day he had to chop the firewood. Then Sanosuke was very young, but she admitted that she had already liked his perfect body.

Megumi smiled when she remembered how she saw him thinking loudly, wiping off a sweat from his forehead with towel.

“She really has her head on straight. That’s what twenty two years of life experience gets you...”

“If you want dinner, you’ll have to use all your strength!” Megumi urged him.

She didn’t see his face, but could imagine an expression when he realized that she had been watching him for some time.

However, it started to rain soon and Sanosuke had to finish the work and cover the firewood so that it wouldn’t get wet. And after hard work he deserved a hot bath. She still couldn’t believe that he was bathing in her bathroom, and she even heard him singing. It was like a dream. And how exasperated Sanosuke was when she washed his trademark outfit and hung it to dry, and he couldn’t find it and thought that Megumi threw it or burned it! She will never forget that expression, God, how she loved to tease him! It was like first date for her. And then when he finally went to bed, she came to the room to thank, but he was already asleep...

However, after the patient checking, she wanted that those strong arms will finish the work faster. She came up with help, although there was only one box left. While Sanosuke put the bottles, she hardly brought that box.

“Since when you’re so helpful?” Sanosuke asked and turned to her. “Maybe you’re the one that changed the most?”

“I just have anything to do.” Megumi said. “If we finish faster, we will reach the cemetery earlier. Probably Yahiko and Tsubame will go with us.”

“You are right.” The man agreed and began to work faster.

 

Sanosuke and Megumi finally reached Tokyo. They got out of the train, went on a gravel road and after about an hour they reached the Dojo*. The door was opened by Yahiko.

“Yo, I’m back,” Sanosuke grinned.

“I’m glad nothing bad had happened. Oh, Megumi’s also here, come in, we expected that.”

“I’m sorry you had to wait because of me.”

"It’s nothing, we understand you.”

“Megumi has found a free time and decided to come together.”

“Maybe you seduce her?” Yahiko laughed. “She can’t be without you for a minute or you can’t be without her?”

Sanosuke hit him in the head.

“Ouch! What was that for?!”

“You are still the same. Nothing has changed at all. Even if you look different, you’re still like before. Am I right, kitsune?”

“I have to admit that you’re right for one thing.” Megumi smiled.

"What is that? For one thing?! I’m always right!”

“Ha, wow! I remember, you always say good things!”

“Oh, I thought you had forgotten!”

“And I was thinking that we didn’t tease each other anymore!”

“And it seems to me that you are completely different when we are alone, kitsune-onna*.”

“Maybe she’s just trying to cheer up or remember the old times after everything has happened?” Yahiko interrupted. “Stop it already and let’s go inside, Tsubame is about to prepare the lunch.”

“Is it a bit too early for lunch?” Megumi thought loudly.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s never too early for lunch.” Sanosuke grinned.

“It may be too early.” Yahiko agreed. “But someone is waiting for you, Sano.”

“Huh? For me? What could it be?”

Be impatient to see, Sanosuke the first went to the room and was surprised, when he saw his brother and sister.

“Uki? Outa?” He whispered.

“Nii-san*...” Uki said silently and rushed to hug him. “I knew you were coming back.”

“How do you know I am your brother?” Sanosuke disrupted. “I never told you.”

“I knew it. I felt it all the time. When you leave, my father told me everything. So I wanted you to come back, but you quickly disappeared, as fast as you emerged.”

“I just... I couldn’t tell you the truth, you know that dad hates me.”

Megumi stood beside them and listened to their conversation with astonishment. Sanosuke never told her that he had a sister and brother, and even that his father hates him somehow. The woman wasn’t happy at the moment. If Sanosuke didn’t tell her about his family, then she had no chance that he would notice her as a woman, not as a doctor.

“I’m sorry, Megumi, I never told you about them, it was... complicated.” Sanosuke apologized.

“Oh, big brother, you finally found a girlfriend.” Uki giggled. “And now it’s time to have children.”

“She’s not really my girlfriend.” The brother blushed. “She is very important to me because she saved my life a lot of times. She’s Megumi Takani.”

“Nice to meet you, Uki-san, Outa-san.” Megumi bowed down politely.

Outa didn’t say a word standing beside them. Sanosuke pat his head.

“I’m glad to see you as well, Apple-cheeks*. You are full adult now, I’m happy we were able to meet.”

“I did what you offered me last time. I came to Kamiya Dojo and studied Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu*, but after Kaoru-san’s death I was trained by Yahiko-sensei*. Now I’m not as weak as before.”

“I’m really proud of you.”

“Look, Nii-san, I even have the same “Aku*” symbol.” The young man turned his back.

“Seriously?!” Sanosuke laughed. “Will you all addicted on that symbol? I never thought that I would become so popular!”

Finally, Tsubame brought lunch. When they sat down at the table, they spoke a lot about childhood, about what did Sanosuke comunicated with his sister, how they joked with each other. However, Megumi didn’t hear anything, unable to forget that she might never be as important as Uki and Outa. Although she never belonged to Sanosuke’s family, why should she be as important as they are?

After lunch, Megumi quietly went out into the yard and leaned back to the wall. Soon she heard the steps and after seeing the shadow she recognized it was Sanosuke.

“Hey, Meg, why are you so calm today?” He asked with a husky voice. “It’s not like you.”

“I just... saw you happy when you finally met your family.”

“Just like you, when you met yours, right?”

“Yes, I was happy too, that’s why I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Megumi.” The man looked straight at her eyes. “You are part of my life, which I will never forget. Never try to think about it anymore, and don’t be so sad, I don’t like when you’re unhappy.”

Megumi just now looked at him and saw a sincere look that she had never seen before. She was a little relaxed, so she smiled.

“I also don’t like when you’re sad.” She whispered.

“Am I ever getting sad?”

“Don’t lie to me, I’ve seen more than once.”

“Maybe you’re much more noticeable than I thought.” Megumi saw his growing smile. “Then, you should notice something very clearly visible.”

“Something clearly visible?” She startled.

“I have been trying to show you this for a very long time. It’s very sad that everything has happened exactly this way. If not my stupid situation, it would have happened much faster.”

“Then you can do it now.”

"You really want that?”

“Yes I want.”

“Whatever it is?”

“Of course.”

“Do you trust me? Don’t you think I’ll hurt you?”

“Why should I think like that?”

“Well, maybe because... well, I...” Sanosuke reddened and looked away. “I... don’t know what you think about that.”

“Just do it, silly.”

“Megumi...” The man whispered her name and finally turned to her.

Megumi stared at him, craving to find out what he wanted. Sanosuke couldn’t take it anymore, she looked even more beautiful. His heart beat in the chest madly, but in an effort to control his emotions Sanosuke breathed deeply. And suddenly, Megumi felt his hands covering her cheeks. She couldn’t even gasp, because her lips were seized by Sanosuke’s lips. She never felt anything like that, she didn’t know what love is in her over-busy and cruel life. But this man opened his feelings and she had to answer the same thing. Yes, she loved him, she always loved, but never told him that. However, it’s continued for too long, and now she couldn’t hide her feelings, especially when she knew that he felt the same all the time.

Megumi responding kissed him harder, her arms wrapped around his neck, her right fingers got into his dense long hair. Sanosuke moaned out of pleasure, grabbed her shoulders, and pulled her away. They had to control themselves, because they were still in the Dojo, anyone could see them.

“You see now?” Sanosuke said quietly. “I told my feelings with this kiss, but that’s not everything I want to say.”

The woman was embarrassed, lowered her head. Her whole body was shaking, her tears fell from her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but lost her voice.

“What’s wrong, foxy? Did I really hurt you?” Sanosuke was scared.

“Sano, no.” The woman finally said. “You didn’t hurt me.”

“But why are you crying?”

“I’m just very happy.”

“Really? You’re really not angry at me?”

“No, I’m just a little confused, that’s all.”

“So you..?”

“It seems that way. I can’t hide it from you any longer.”

Sanosuke felt like he had grown wings. He wanted to rise higher than someone was, scream out of happiness, lift Megumi with him and turn her around until his head gets dizzy, or maybe even fall on the ground, then take his beloved into the room, lay her on the futon*, take off her kimono, kiss her soft body to the bits and then... and then...

“Nii-san...” The man heard his sister’s voice suddenly. “What are you doing here? Didn’t you say you were going to the cemetery?”

“I’ll definitely go.” He realized he was too close to Megumi, so he stepped away. “We just had to discuss a few important things.”

"Hey, but why I smell something else?” The young woman looked at him closely. “Nii-san, you said you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“I DO NOT have!”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Don’t be a sneaky pig, missie.”

“What do you call a pig?” Uki offended. “You think I’m fat?”

"No, that’s not I wanted to say.”

“And what exactly you wanted to say then?!”

“Hey, what’s the noise here?” Yahiko’s voice sounded from the inside and the young man went out into the yard.

“Nothing very special, just as usual brothers and sisters are disputing.” Sanosuke said. “We are planning to go to Kenshin and jou-chan’s graves with Megumi now.”

“I’ll stay here for make dinner, okay?” Uki suggested. “Outa will help me, we didn’t nearly know Kenshin.”

“Calm down, Uki, I’m not your slave.” Her younger brother warned her, coming to the door.

“Okay, okay. I really hope that you will not get upset seeing their graves. And when you return, you will have a very delicious dinner. And I will clean this place, there are a lot of dusts here, I think this place hasn’t been cleaned by women for a very long time.”

“That’s right.” Yahiko agreed. “Tsubame and I have our own house, I come here only for the students, because this school belongs to me now. Besides, it’s Kenji’s home, we don’t want to hurry him to live with us, now he is like our child.”

“Poor boy, he’s really very upset. His parents died.”

“Yes, it’s difficult period for Kenji, but he’s strong, he’ll make it. I believe that everything will be as before soon.”

“But where is he now?” Sanosuke asked and looked around. “I can’t see him anywhere.”

“Went out to train or something again.” Yahiko shrugged. “I’m not too worried about him, Kenji is stronger than I when I was in his age.”

“Doesn’t that kiddo think of anything bad?”

“Stop talking nonsense, you baka.” Megumi said. “You have to brush your hair before going to the cemetery. Do you have at least a comb?”

“No.” Sanosuke growled.

“Then how did you..?”

“Dunno. With my fishbone.”

Megumi grabbed him by the hair.

“Oi*! Now I know the struggle when you have long hair. It hurts, let go!”

Yahiko began to laugh, and the others too. Now it really seemed like everything was like before. After so many years, when so many painful things had happened, he could laugh a lot and heartily. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kimono – the full-length, robe-like, traditional Japanese garment, worn mostly by women in the Meiji era.
> 
> Baka – stupid, jerk, idiot.
> 
> Jou-chan – little missie or missy (Kaoru here).
> 
> Itee – aww, ouch.
> 
> Kitsune – fox.
> 
> Dojo – a training place for martial arts or swordsmanship (Kaoru trained Yahiko and other students there).
> 
> Kitsune-onna – fox-lady/fox-woman.
> 
> (O)nii(san) – brother.
> 
> Apple-cheeks – Outa’s nickname by Sanosuke.
> 
> Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu (“Gods Valley Lively Heart Style”) – is a kenjutsu style invented by Kamiya Koshijiro after his return from the bakumatsu. The carnage of the wars inspired Koshijiro to develop a sword art based around the principle of katsujinken, or “swords that give life”, rather than the traditional satsujinken – “swords that kill”, stressing the importance of controlling the flow and pace of the battle to its practitioner, making the use of defensive maneuvers, disarming techniques, and incapacitating attacks, allowing a duel’s intensity of potential lethality and tension to be maintained and even broken so that the user may take advantage of the opponent’s openings to strike back in self-defense.
> 
> -sensei – master; teacher; doctor.
> 
> Aku – evil, wicked, bad.
> 
> Futon – a thin Japanese mattress that is rolled up for the day.
> 
> Oi – hey.


End file.
